All Birds Are Democrats

Today I helped KickTheBall build a bird house.  Pretty simple, huh?  I mean, I’ve built entire houses from rough sketches on a sheet of graph paper.  People houses.  That people lived in.  And they were awesome.  So I assumed that I could take my boy out to the garage and throw a bird house together.  Wrong.

KickTheBall promptly showed me his newest library book, The Big Book Of Bird Houses & Bird Feeders.  It’s an entire book dedicated to bird houses and how to build them to best suit different birds.

And reading the book convinced me that birds are democrats.

• The bird house couldn’t be too small….Understandable.  They are, after all, looking for a home for their family.  But the design specs were bizarrely specific.  Apparently a 4 square inch living space is juuuust the right size for an Eastern Golden Cheeked Warbler, who will turn tail (feathers) and run (fly) at a 3.75 square inch living area..
• The bird house couldn’t be too large….Really birds?  Really?  You worried it’ll cost too much to cool in the summer?
• The bird house door couldn’t be too large….Apparently western birds like their doors to be 1/8” larger than eastern birds.
• The bird house door can’t be too close to the roof.
• The bird house door can’t be too close to the floor.

The list could go on and on, but by now you can see the democrat reference….When you realize that the dog-gone birds are being so dog-gone picky about A FREE HOUSE.

[Edited to add: Of course not all birds would be Obama supporters.  Bald Eagles, for example, most certainly wouldn’t be democrats as people.  If Bald Eagles were people they’d be politically somewhere to the far right of Rush Limbaugh.  Bald Eagles would wear aviators and have Magnum PI mustaches and would waterboard a terrorist every morning just to start the day off right.]

And that’s the state of ‘Mehricuh today.  When their alternative is living under a bridge, a large segment of our population isn’t happy without a fancy car to drive and a Presidentially-provided cell phone to talk on.  I know quite a few people who have stopped volunteering at events like Blue Santa and Thanksgiving meal charity events because the “less fortunate” coming to pick up their free stuff were wearing $100 shoes and driving $50K cars.

If it’s ridiculous for birds to be so picky about a free house, it’s the same / same for peoples.  Build your own house, live with friends or family, but don’t turn up your nose at charity because it just doesn’t suit your sensitive tastes.

Back to KickTheBall….We had a grand time together.  We used the book (and its ridiculously specific guidelines) to build a bird house.  It’s mounted on the edge of their back yard fort already, right below the bird feeder….So the birds don’t have to travel very far from their free food to their free housing.